Sexual Assault: A Personal Story

breaksilence

For a while I have been wanting to open up my life to my readers about an event that forever changed my life.  I believe that the Lord showed me that it is time.

I wrote recently about the new rules at Target, which would allow transgenders to access ladies bathrooms and dressing rooms.  In that piece I asked what would keep a sexual predator from posing as a “transgender” person, to access their prey, and commit unspeakable crimes against women. It seems that the rights of transgenders are more important than keeping women safe from harm.

This morning I read that in 2015, Obama ordered ICE to release 19,723 criminal illegals; 900 of them had committed sexual assault crimes – back into our society. They are everywhere in our country. The states had wanted to deport them, but our president would not allow it.  I live in a sanctuary state, which makes us even more vulnerable to criminals.

Article on released illegal felons 

1973

When I was 22 years old, I sang for a living in Washington, D.C.  I was part of a band.  I was not saved until 1983.  One evening after our band’s performance, I was attacked by two men and sexually assaulted.  I kept this horrid event secret for a very long time.  I blamed myself.  I was singing in a band and in my mind the assault had to be my fault.

When I finally sought help, I was told that this was not my fault, and that I should not be blaming myself.  I did not continue with therapy. It was too painful to speak about the rape. Every time I would talk about it, I wound up crying hysterically, and feeling worse.

Night Terrors

Within a year I began to have terrible night terrors.  I would run and scream (this is what I was told) but I would not remember doing this.  I broke bones and fell down stairs. Some times this happened 5 nights out of the week.  I thought that I was losing my mind. I didn’t seek help because I was embarrassed. But I confided in a lady from church in the 1980’s. She urged me to try to be part of a sleep study at NIH.

I was admitted into a sleep study there. I never told the neurologist about the attack.  I just couldn’t talk about it with him. I had terrors during my stay at NIH. The doctor diagnosed me with Nocturnal Panic Attack Syndrome.

PTSD

It was years later that I learned that my night terror attacks were a hallmark symptom of PTSD. I thought that only soldiers struggled with this. It seems that being sexually assaulted causes PTSD too.

Gripped by fear

Everywhere I go, I am hyper vigilant. I am constantly looking over my shoulder. I will not get into an elevator with just men – I wait for a mixed crowd. I live in a constant state of fear. After I was saved in 1983, I was a bit better. I knew that Jesus was watching over me. But the scars from the attack ran deep.  The night terrors continued.  I prayed and prayed that the Lord would protect me from these terrors. It was as if the devil used my sleeping hours to attack. I was convinced that this was spiritual and not just from the rape.

After a night terror, I would begin to be cognizant of my surroundings – not remembering the terror, but I was aware that something awful had happened to me. All I remembered is that I felt as if I was dying.  The next day, my head felt like I had been in an accident and had sustained brain damage. Concentrating was difficult.

Another victim

When I was a young girl, my mother’s best friend had been shopping with her daughter. They were in the dressing room, trying on clothes. A man got into their dressing room and the man raped my mother’s friend in front of her 8 year old daughter.  Both were scarred for life.

How can they forget about our rights?

It seems so demonic to me that a store would put the “feelings” of a person who is confused about their gender, over the safety of women. This is absolutely crazy and demonically inspired.  Are they waiting for the worst case scenario to happen, and only then will this be rethought?

My prayer is that this article will help in some small way.  It was the hardest thing for me to write this, but I truly felt the Lord urging me to do it.

Come Lord Jesus