But they came, and though they brought some closure, the answers were incredibly painful.

Brethren – it took a lot for me to put this into article form. I felt that perhaps the Lord wanted me to share the story of my life. I pray that this helps someone else – even if it is only one person, it would be worth it.

The events I will be sharing were generally kept private, except for a few close brothers and sisters in Christ. Now that the Lord has seen fit to give me answers to the questions, I felt that it was time to publish this.

That Awful Night

I was 17 years old. My parents had just found out that I was dating a boy who was from Portugal.  His father was a dignitary from the Portuguese Embassy in D.C.

We were only allowed to date Jewish people and my parents were livid. My mother (both of my parents are now deceased) was screaming at me and she said something I considered to be racist. She said “At least you could have picked a white boy!” I rolled my eyes at her because of her remark.

When my father saw that I had rolled my eyes, he grabbed the front of my shirt and pushed me with all his might – the back of my head slamming into the wall.

I remember being pushed. It was like slow motion. But I don’t remember my head slamming against the wall. I had lost consciousness. When I opened my eyes, I was alone in my bedroom. I was not taken to the hospital. There was a huge bump on the back of my head and the pain was awful.  I kept dozing off but nausea woke me up many times and I vomited.

The Following Weeks

I was never brought to the ER or even to my doctor. I began passing out and falling to the floor a couple of times a day. I didn’t dare go to my parents about this. It was obvious to me that I was not to speak of this event, and I was frightened.

I was passing out in school and of course, the nurse contacted my parents. Only then did they make an appointment with my doctor. He ordered an EEG. But my parents had not told the doctor what had happened on that terrible night – only that I was passing out and they didn’t know why.

The EEG

The neurologists told my parents that the EEG was abnormal. It had ‘spikes’ and ‘sharp waves.’ These indicated seizure activity. I still did not dare to mention the injury.

I heard my mother talking to my father. She told him that my doctor said that some young people have small seizures and that he didn’t think it was anything to worry about. But he was certainly not in possession of the facts.

Personality Changes

I had been a very out-going and happy child. After the head injury, I began self-medicating –  smoking pot and hanging out with the ‘bad’ (wild) kids. I was deathly afraid of my father. I was getting in trouble and sometimes I would not come home for fear of what might happen.

The First Strange Event

About a month after the injury, I went to bed with my pajamas on, and when the alarm clock went off in the morning, I was fully dressed for school. I even had my shoes on. This startled me.

Fast Forward to Age 20

I had gotten a job and was living in an apartment. It was a high rise and I lived on the 14th floor. One night, I woke up in the lobby with an older man shaking me gently by the shoulders. He said to me “Are you alright? I found you walking around the lobby with your eyes wide-open but you would not respond to me.”

I was so confused. How could I have gotten down 14 floors in the elevator and not remember any of it?  I thanked the man for making sure that I was safe. I told him that I needed to go back up to my apartment. I went up in the elevator and my apartment door was wide open. I went in and locked the door. I remember sitting on my couch – weeping.

Born Again in 1983

I was born again in January of 1983. I had been married since 1978 and we had 3 children. At least 3-5 nights of each week, I was told by my husband that I was running and screaming with my eyes wide open. He would try to wake me up but he said that just agitated me more. He said that he could tell that I was not awake even though my eyes were open.

When he would describe what I had done, it was like he was speaking about someone else. I did not remember anything. What I did feel in the morning after an event was as if my brain had been shaken against my skull – like the “shaken baby” stories we read about.

I was so concerned about the children. I knew they heard me screaming and I felt I had to say something to them. I tried to make it funny – I would ask them if they heard me being ‘silly’ during the night. I would laugh and then they would too.  I just felt that I needed to lighten it up for them.

The Sunday School Teacher

I was attending a wonderful church in 1985. I also attended a ladies Sunday school class. One morning, when our teacher asked for prayer requests, I knew that I needed to open up to these sisters in Christ about what I had been going through. I finally did tell them through many tears – actually sobbing.

After the class was over, the teacher asked me to stay and talk to her.  She wanted me to call NIH (I grew up in Bethesda where NIH is located) and she said I should ask to speak to someone at their Sleep Lab. I told her that it was very hard to get into one of their clinical trials; that just calling them wouldn’t get me in. She said that if the Lord wanted me in the sleep lab, that He would make it happen.

The next day I did call, and the operator put me right through to the sleep lab and miraculously, I was talking to the head doctor (neurologist) of the Sleep Disorders Lab. He talked with me for over an hour, and then scheduled a week to come into the lab.  I did not tell him what my father had done. Back then I didn’t put the head injury and my horrid night terrors together.

My Diagnosis

At the sleep lab at NIH, they hooked me up to an EEG machine while I slept. At the end of the week, the doctor told me that I had classic Night Terrors. He said that children usually get these but grow out of them. He didn’t have an answer as to why I got these as an adult. He told me that people do not remember  sleep terrors.  He also told me that they occur during the non-REM stage of sleep – first 1-2 hours (deep sleep). Dreaming occurs during the REM (Rapid Eye Movement) of sleep (light sleep). My night terrors always happened about one hour after I fell asleep. The neurologist at NIH told me that he could see from the EEG that the terror happened 59 minutes and 30 seconds after I fell sleep.

Reaction of My Parents

I was very excited to have a diagnosis. I was not able to tolerate the medicine they gave me at NIH – it made me too groggy. But still, I had a diagnosis – a name for what I had been going through for so many years! I am not sure if the reader can understand that, but it helped me so much.

I called my parents to let them know about NIH and what the doctor had said.  My mother answered and then gave the phone to my father. After a brief silence, my father said this to me “I forbid you to talk to us about this problem of yours. You are upsetting your mother and I will not allow it!” I couldn’t help but wonder if the guilt he felt still plagued him.

But it crushed me. I hung up the phone.

Fast Forward to 2023

I got a new GP because I wanted to get away from Johns Hopkins doctors. I told her about my night terrors. She wanted to try some pharmaceuticals but I declined. I had very bad Bursitis in my arm and my new doctor referred me to a rheumatologist. She said he was an amazing doctor.

I opened up to him about my night terrors. He was very interested in this and wanted to help if he could. He knew all about night terrors, but he told me that children usually suffer with them but grow out of them. I told him that I knew this.

He began to ask me questions about my life before the night terrors struck. I told him the whole story about what my father had done to me. I told him everything.

He said that he believes that I most likely had swelling in my brain and a brain bleed. He said that I should have been in a hospital where doctors could have done tests to see the extent of my brain injury and could monitor me.

He said it was a miracle that I didn’t die.

The next thing he said to me gave me closure:

He said that he believes that my brain injury caused my night terrors.

The Real Miracle

I had forgiven my father years ago for what he did. Jesus wanted me to forgive him. When my parents retired to Florida, I wrote to my dad every week. I wanted him to understand why I believed in Jesus. He would write back to me and say things like “You are my one child who cares about the Ten Commandments.”  It was a start – being Jewish, I understand why he spoke of the Law.

Then my mother told me on the phone that my father was watching Billy Graham Crusades whenever they came on TV. She said “I think he is losing his mind!” and I just smiled.

He was very interested in Jesus. My father had diabetes and got extremely sick in Florida. They moved back to MD. I knew that he was dying. Toward the end, he was in a hospital and my mother would call me to say that my father only wanted to see me. She said that he would ask for me all day. I went to visit him after work every day.

He told me that I was his strongest child and that he was proud of me. On the very night he died, I asked him if he believed what I told him about Jesus. He said yes. I asked him if I could lead him in prayer to ask Jesus to be his Lord and Savior.  Again, he said yes – and I did.

Two hours later he died.

Brethren, we are still in this horrid flesh. One day we will be given new bodies and we will no longer struggle with sin. 

The main reason I wrote this piece is that I wondered if my story is not so unique – not even in the body of Christ.  I am fairly certain that this is not the kind of behavior found in most Christian homes. But even if there are a handful of readers who do experience violence in their homes – perhaps this article could help them.

I urge anyone who has this happening in their home to seek help and ALWAYS bring a person who has been injured to the hospital!

And ALWAYS remember that there is forgiveness at the foot of the Cross!

HOW CAN I BE SAVED?

COME LORD JESUS!