The Heartbreak of Dealing With Grown Children Who Have Fallen Away

Of all the battles that we as born again believers fight in this world – I truly believe that knowing how to interact with our grown “Fallen away” children has to be the toughest.


My Facebook page is filled with Christian and Conservative content.  When I write new articles on my Word Press, I post them to the page. When I’m inspired by something I have read, it gets posted to my page as well.

Also, when brothers and sisters in Christ need prayer, I will post prayer requests for them. I am very blessed to have so many prayer warriors as Facebook friends. I’ve told my husband that I see these people as an “online” church.  It really is wonderful.

But it’s not so wonderful for my fallen away children. The hurtful words flung at me because I talk so much about Jesus and also my Conservative views; came to a head about a year ago.  I was walking on eggshells every time I posted anything about my faith in Jesus  or about politics.

I remember my parents saying to stay away from “religion” and politics when conversing with family.  Many people say that.  But it is fair for family members to dictate to us what we can and cannot share?

Setting Boundaries

About a year ago, I decided to make a “Family only” FB page.  Our children were very open to this.  Also, I blocked all of them from my main page – not to be mean, but I did not want them to be able to see my page.  Blocking is the only way I knew that they would be shielded from my posts and my articles.

This has gone well, but one of our sons would still go to my Word Press and write emails to me about how wrong I was in my thinking.  Now THAT really made me mad. I told our son that nobody was forcing him to view my Word Press; and if he didn’t like it – DON’T go there!

I did set rules for our home.  In as loving a manner as I could, I told our children that we pray before meals and we will not tolerate hateful talk about Jesus.

If the rules are broken, and someone brings up Jesus in a derogatory manner; I figure that they have opened that door. That open door allows me to talk of my love for Jesus and that if they stay in their fallen away state – that they will see Him one day, but I remind them of His words:

 “But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven”  (Matthew 10:33).

They will act as if that does not bother them, but only God knows what is happening in their hearts. They were brought up to love Jesus and to know this:

 “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”  (Romans 5:8).

Each of our 3 children had come to me at different times in their early teens, and expressed their desire to know that they were going to heaven. After talking with them to make sure that they fully understood the Gospel, I led each one to the throne of God. Each of these precious times were right after we had watched “The Jesus Film” which has an invitation to come to Christ at the end.

Preaching at the Table

The worst times with our children were when I felt that I should use our gathering together as a time of “preaching” at them.  I was told by a brother in Christ that this way of acting could be more damaging than fruitful.

I was so glad to receive that correction from the brother.  Our times together during holidays and just visits were so much better when I stopped preaching.  It was no longer a battleground of words.  It was a family loving one another.


A reader of my articles  wrote an email to me recently.  She is a true sister in Christ. She poured out her heart about her daughter. They had angry words and my sister was still upset with her.

My friend knows that I deal with this scenario, and asked me what she should do. I told her that the most important thing of all in dealing with unsaved children is to LOVE them, no matter what.  I don’t mean to agree with their words, but there is a way to change the subject to something about them and the grandkids, for instance.

How can they stay angry when you are lovingly inquiring about their family?

I am not saying that we should just listen to hateful words about our Lord without responding.  We always need to defend our beliefs. What I am saying is that we should pray for our children daily that God would be drawing them back as only He can.

But showing them that we love them and care about them deeply is so important.

The Fruit

Since the change in our relationships, I’ve noticed some really wonderful things.  Our daughter will say to me “I’m praying for you, mom.”  Our oldest son is a classical guitar player. He and his family live 3000 miles from us. We Skype often so that we can see the grandkids. For the last 2 Christmases, he has played “Silent Night” on his guitar. That made my heart rejoice.

Pray Pray Pray

Never stop praying for your fallen away children!  NEVER.

Although we cannot know if they will return to their First Love, God is able to reach them once again.  My prayer to God is always “Father, whatever You need to do to bring them back – please do it!”

I am not a young woman, and some of my health issues are pretty serious. I often wonder how the children will react when I’m gone.  Will they picture me in heaven with our Lord?

I pray that they will, and I pray that the Lord uses that to draw them back to Him.

How Can I Be Saved?

Shalom b’Yeshua




11 thoughts on “The Heartbreak of Dealing With Grown Children Who Have Fallen Away

  1. I always appreciate your honesty! My two children have fallen away from Christ. And, I pray for them and my grandchildren! Your words help my faith and belief in God to be even more be strengthened! My daughter and 7 grandchildren live states away in Tennessee. I live with my son…as long as I don’t mention Jesus, or he does not hear my prayers, or he does not hear the Christian stations or any other Christian teaching, we are “okay.” I keep praying while he is at work, etc. Thank you for always sharing the only Truth, your joys and sorrows, your concerns and heartache,…your faith, and such honesty!! It always lifts us up, and reinforces the “go to Jesus!”
    In Christ our Hope and reality!!

  2. This is a timely message if I ever had one! Just this past week, my 38 year old daughter “came out of the closet”, the closet being her becoming a “TAROT CARD READER” online, on Youtube!! I couldn’t believe my eyes! Then when I gave her the Joshua 24:15 Scripture, she accused me of not approving of her choices and being a “hater”! All of this transpired on my Facebook page, mind you, as they will not speak to me in person. I have four adult children, and they are still children. I was married to a truck driver for 15 years and although he was “gone a lot, when he was home he was a bear! He was addicted to meth, and also cheated on me, ending up getting a much younger woman pregnant and leaving me. Long story, I’m sure you know. Their father, who passed last year, was an alcoholic and extremely abusive. He was NEVER there to raise them, leaving me, an uneducated young woman to raise them alone, hence the second husband. Now, they all blame ME for everything, my only son chimed in when I gave my daughter scriptures and then went on to tell her how I have Always supported her but I could NOT support this choice of “witchcraft” and “necromancy”. Well, my son who really hates me, said some very cruel things about me and the Bible and God. Gotta tell ya, it really hurt. Days later and I still am in tears. They were all dedicated to the Lord, baptized, born again, going to church and loving it, and then when they got older, just walked away. They are in extreme pain, and I cannot reach them. I pray the Lord of the Harvest to send workers to them who CAN reach them, and I also believe that if they were TRULY saved, nothing can pluck them out of God’s hand, nothing. So, your article was timely, it was the Lord. I thank you, for writing, for knowing, and for listening. God bless you Geri.

    1. Dawn, you have so much on your plate. Father God please send your holy angels to guard this child of Yours! Hold her close dear Lord. I pray that it won’t be long before we are in Your presence and all of this will be forgotten. I ask this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

      1. Thank you Geri for your lovely prayer. You know, in all these many decades, you are the only one that actually prayed for ME. No one else has ever done that. I have been blamed and cursed for my decisions, some not good, but in the spur of the moment, no one is above making the wrong decision, no one. So I just wanted to acknowledge you and thank you for your lovely prayer, it touched my heart very deeply. Looking forward to meeting you when we all are in that glorious place called heaven. God bless you.

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