Profound Sadness Fills My Heart: This Place Is Not Our Home

This will be a piece unlike others I have written.  It will not be on current events and how they are tied to Biblical prophecy.  It will not be on the apostasy which has run rampant through the church,  causing so many to fall away from the faith.

I will write about the sorrow which seems to have taken up residence in my heart and my mind. I am not writing for the reader to feel sorry for me.  I believe that the Lord has urged me to open my heart so that others may see my struggles.  I do not know why God would want me to do this, but I must obey Him.

The Psalms

So many times we hear the brethren say “Read the Psalms – they will help you.”  This is true, you know.  So many times David was in such utter despair, he seemed on the verge of giving up. There wasn’t a Commandment that David did not break. And yet the Lord called him “A man after His own heart.”

David’s humanity gives me hope in dark times.  His love for the Lord, and his godly repentance brought him time and time again to God’s throne. There he would prostrate himself and confess to God that he sinned against Him and Him alone. God loved David’s heart.

O Lord, I have sinned

Satan loves to remind me that I fell away for a time after I was born again.  He made me believe for many years that God would not take me back. I wasn’t reading the Word as I should have been back then, so I had no defense against the accusations of the evil one.

I cried out to the Lord for almost 7 years.  I would say to Him “God I know that I am not worthy and I wonder if You have forsaken me. I would not blame you Lord. But I want to come back because there is no other place to go. The only time that I felt joyful and complete was when I walked with You.  Lord, will you take me back?”

I began to read Psalms and I had never felt so close to God in all the years since I was born again.  I saw in those Psalms the same sorrow, heartache and hopelessness in David as I was feeling. But I saw something else. I saw forgiveness – not forgiveness from an earthy father, but the kind of forgiveness which can only come from my Father in heaven.

“For as the heavens are high above the earth,
So great is His mercy toward those who fear Him;
 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
 As a father pities his children,
So the Lord pities those who fear Him.
 For He knows our frame;
He remembers that we are dust”  (Psalm 103:11-14).

He knows that we are Dust

Yes, He knows our frame and how weak we can be when we are not walking with Him.  He knows that the enemy roams about the earth,  just seeking his next victim.   But God loves us with an everlasting love – and it is unconditional.  No earthly father can love us this way.  Only our Father in heaven.

Still, there is sorrow

Some mornings I open my eyes and I can feel them tearing up.  I don’t want to be here anymore.  I want to be with the Lord Jesus. I want to be away from this horribly wicked world.  Is this selfish?  Maybe it is. But as I said, I am opening my heart to the reader.  I want my brethren to know that the struggles that we face – we face together.

“Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.  No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it”  (1 Corinthians 10: 12-14).

Beulah Land

When I first heard this song – written and sung by Squire Parsons – I wept. All the yearning and aching in my heart to see Jesus in heaven;  to be snatched away by Him and taken to my real home  – THAT is our Blessed Hope. THAT is what we desire every day…….every minute.

We walk around on this guilty sod, knowing that this is definitely NOT our home. But He is coming and I believe that He is coming soon.  Only His Father knows the appointed time, but this I do know:  It will be the perfectly planned time to bring us home.


Sweet Beulah Land

I’m kind of homesick for a country
To which I’ve never been before.
No sad goodbyes will there be spoken
For time won’t matter anymore.
Beulah Land (Beulah Land) I’m longing for you (I’m longing for you)
And some day (And some day) on thee I’ll stand (Someday we will stand)
There my home (There my home) shall be eternal (Eternal)
Beulah Land, sweet Beulah Land
I’m looking now, just across the river
To where my faith, shall end in sight (Shall end in sight)
There’s just a few more days to labor.
Then I will take my heavenly flight.
Beulah Land…Squire Parsons



9 thoughts on “Profound Sadness Fills My Heart: This Place Is Not Our Home

  1. tonytarr11

    i gratefully trust our father in heaven, He has givin’ us His Word, amen. Nice post, i give Thanks! Shalom Geri *

  2. tandrews2016t

    Thank you for obediently sharing this with us. I have felt very sad and weary all weekend and especially today. The enemy is attacking from every side – I barely have the strength to read about current events because my heart feels too downcast to learn of what is happening today! Our world seems to be in “free fall”! Normally I am a person who is full of faith and I trodd through by praying without ceasing. I’ve wondered (this morning) “what’s wrong with me ?” Since reading your blog I feel encouraged that there is someone else feeling the same way!
    2 Chronicles 20:15 “And he said, Hearken ye, all Judah, and ye inhabitants of Jerusalem, and thou king Jehoshaphat, Thus saith the LORD unto you, Be not afraid nor dismayed by reason of this great multitude; for the battle [is] not yours, but God’s.”

  3. Carol Gatza

    Thanks for sharing sister! I’m certain your longing honors Him!

    On Mon, Jan 22, 2018 at 12:51 AM, Absolute Truth from the Word of God wrote:

    > Geri Ungurean posted: ” This will be a piece unlike others I have > written. It will not be on current events and how they are tied to > Biblical prophecy. It will not be on the apostasy which has run rampant > through the church, causing so many to fall away from the faith. ” >

  4. I was Born Again a few years ago after watching a Harvest event pastor Greg Laurie did I prayed the prayer he offered and after I was changed by God and filled with the Holy Spirit I started reading the Word of God a lot and praying. I don’t read the Word or pray much I know I need too I want to Keep Jesus first because I belong to Him and He died on the cross for me. Please pray for me that I read the Word every day and pray so my sins are forgiven. I know 1 John 1:9 He is coming for us very soon at the Rapture of the Church I long for the Rapture. Check out Psalms 27:13-14 Psalm 56 and 57. I am a sinner saved by grace through faith in Christ alone not by works.

    God Bless you and Shalom

  5. I understand your thoughts…and, I live in the Psalms. I am so thankful God included deep thoughts: sorrowful, joy, suicidal, deep pits, worship and praise, and prophetic, thankfulness, along with reprimands in love. And, so much more. May out God, Loving Father, be with you in dark days and joyful days. I, too, long for Heaven. Yet, sorrow for others. Much prayers needed.

  6. I had friends who did not come to church yesterday. Reason? They were at another church witnessing a baptism of a 70+ yr. old man who recently was saved. This man had told his buddies at a weekly gathering that he did not believe he was saved. The other three men talked to him; he wanted to ask for repentance and follow Jesus in faith; he asked them how he could pray the “sinner’s prayer”; they told him to talk to God just like he was talking to them. So he prayed. The men said the man’s facial demeanor was changed, he was changed. He told them he needed to be baptized. So they went to witness the joy. Now, the rest of the story?….the man was a lifelong church member at a Baptist church, active and even taught Sunday School at times. So, back to you and your sorrow. You have a purpose that only God knows! You may be longing to be before God in heaven but have you thought about the lost souls here on earth who don’t know Jesus and have questions? Think of the joy you will feel when you speak to them about your faith. And the rejoicing when they want what you have! No, sister in Christ, our work is not done and time is running out. God bless you.

  7. My mother told me some time back that there was a time she fell away from her faith. Like you, she was afraid that God would not want anything to do with her again, but then she was reminded of the parable of the prodigal son. Like the father who ran to welcome back his returning son, so did God when my mother repented and turned back to him. He had plans for her, and even now, He is still using her for the furthering of the kingdom.

    As for that longing, I’m there with you. It’s not selfish to not want to be here anymore. I’m so tired of this world and how hard it has become just to get through the day. Everywhere, in everything, and in every aspect of life, there is evil. You can’t get away from the horror and wickedness of it. It wears you down, and unfortunately, it’s only going to get worse.

    However, our joy is in the Lord, and the hope of his very soon return. We must keep our eyes on Jesus.

    Which brings to mind a couple songs we used to sing when I was growing up. (I love Beulah Land, by the way. One of my favorites.)

    “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”
    Turn your eyes upon Jesus
    Look full in His wonderful face
    And the things of Earth will grow strangely dim
    In the light of His glory and grace.

    Then there is “This World Is Not My Home.”

    “This world is not my home, I’m just a passing through, my treasures are laid up, somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me from heaven’s open door and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.”

    Soon, and very soon, we are going home.

  8. Dear sweet heart Geri,
    I have traveled this same path as you and I know as each day passes it brings me closer to the doorway of eternity. Oh Lord you know I have no one but you, and each day, like the Apostle Paul I am caught betwixt and between staying here and helping my loved ones and wanting to be with my savior and Lord.

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