Many times when I begin to write an article, I feel anxious and ill equipped for the task. I have learned the importance of going before the Lord and asking Him first, if this is what He wants me to write on, and secondly I ask Him to help me to write the words.
Today I want to open up my life to readers for a good reason. I am attempting to show my brothers and sisters in Christ, that when you are truly called by Him to do something, and you don’t feel qualified or gifted in this – do not fret, because He will give you everything you need for the task at hand.
A simple check up at the doctor’s became an ordeal
In 1974 I went to the doctor for an annual check up. The doctor asked if I had an ear ache which I did not. He put me on antibiotics anyway and scheduled me to return in a week. I returned and the doctor still insisted that my ear looked infected. He sent me to an Ear Nose & Throat doctor (ENT).
After looking in my ear, the ENT agreed that something was not right. He placed me on stronger antibiotics and asked me to return in a week. I came back to this doctor and he said that he thought I had a mastoid or some kind of infection, and that he was very concerned.
The exploratory surgery
Back in 1974, they did not have MRI’s or CT-Scans. This doctor told me that he had to do “exploratory” surgery inside my ear. The surgery was done and in the recovery room the doctor seemed rather shaken. He told me that I was born without a temporal bone and that he placed something in my ear to act as a bone. That’s all he told me.
This doctor kept sending me for x-rays of the left side of my neck, but did not tell me why.
1983- Pain in the left ear incapacitated me
Years later, I had excruciating pain in my left ear. It was actually so bad that it was incapacitating. An ENT told me that I had a tumor in my left eardrum which had to be operated on. I told him the story of my exploratory surgery in 1974. This doctor wanted to see the operative report. But he also wanted me to have an arteriogram. During that procedure, he saw that what appeared to be a tumor, was actually my carotid artery in the wrong place. He told me that he might have killed me if he had proceeded with the surgery.
The operative report from 1974
I called the first doctor’s office to ask for the operative report and the receptionist came back and said that they didn’t have those records anymore. My new doctor told me to tell them that my attorney would be the next one to call. All of a sudden they had the report!
In this report of what transpired in the operating room, the doctor wrote that he saw a large vessel which he thought might be the jugular bulb but that it was in the wrong place. He said that it was attached to a bone, so he dissected it from the bone and it bled profusely. He then said that he applied pressure to stop the bleeding, and then covered the wound with gel foam and then teflon sheeting. This doctor had never mentioned any of this to me after that surgery.
When the doctor read the operative report, these are the words he said to me: “You are a walking miracle because that doctor punctured your carotid artery. You should have had a stroke or died.”
Fast forward to 1990’s – early 2000’s
I had stayed home with my children when they were young. In the 1990’s I got my first job since before the children were born. I felt a bit overwhelmed at the job. I wasn’t sure that I would be able to continue that job. I gave them notice.
I went through quite a few jobs and began to feel so bad about myself. I felt stupid and it was embarrassing to me. I noticed as time went on that learning new things at jobs was becoming harder and harder for me. I kept feeling that there might be something wrong with me, but then I just thought that I was not smart.
In 2006 I got a job with a computer company. I wore many hats at this company and for the first time I felt good and comfortable. The boss seemed appreciative of me and told me that I had a job there as long as I wanted it. But then I was doing so many different things including marketing and the books, I once again started to feel overwhelmed.
My boss became frustrated with me. I wasn’t retaining what I was learning. It had gotten really bad. Then this boss let me go. I was devastated. I went into a deep depression.
My husband and I decided that it was time to look for a possible physiological reason for my problems. My neurologist ordered an MRI. The results showed an area of my brain where the cells had died. This area was exactly where the affected artery sent blood into my brain. I had another arteriogram and it showed that the artery had a kink (they called it a hairpin turn) in it. This kink was restricting the blood flow to my brain. It was getting through but not as fast as the doctor thought that it should.
After that, I had a team of doctors monitoring the artery. They felt that the first doctor who had done the exploratory had caused the “kink” when he attempted to patch up the vessel. It was at this time that I started have small seizures. The doctors also felt that the seizures were from this damaged artery.
If I had never gone for that checkup, I may have never known about the aberrant carotid artery. It was a birth defect and would have remained silent.
No more jobs
I realized that my learning disabilities had started after the exploratory surgery, and seemed to worsen as years went by. I went on disability and could no longer work.
God had other ideas
I had met a Facebook friend who was also a writer for Rapture Ready. She is an amazing writer and a very good friend. I had written a story about being born again in 1983 and one day I showed this to my friend. She urged me to send it into RR. I said no – they wouldn’t want my writing. She persisted for weeks, so I finally sent it in. To my amazement, they published the article!
Ever since that time, I have been writing. It was so confusing to me; why would I be able to write about the Lord and His Word, when I couldn’t even hold down a job? I was writing 2-3 articles a week and sometimes 2-3 a day. It was puzzling to me. But then I began to look at it differently. I had gained a lot of skills on the computer at my jobs. It was as if everything else had just led up to me being a writer for the Lord! It had to be – what else could it be?
God really does equip the believer when He calls them
Before I write a piece, I go to the Lord and He gives me everything I need. I can’t imagine not writing for Him! Sometimes in the middle of the night, I get an idea in my head. Then in the morning I remember it, and it becomes an article!
Brethren, always look to Him for everything in your life. Remember that if He calls you to do something for Him, He will certainly provide everything you need to accomplish that which He has called you to do.