The Story of Michael And How He Died To Show Me the Way To Heaven

Michael was my first child.  We were so excited to meet this little guy. We had the nursery all prepared and decorated.  As every expectant mom probably does, I would hold up the little undershirts and onesies.  I could hardly wait for Michael to arrive.

We did the Lamaze classes. I was getting so close to the due date, but I began to worry. I had not felt Michael kick in a couple of days.  I would even poke my tummy to try to make him move – nothing.  I had an appointment with my obstetrician the next day. I drove myself. The doctor I had chosen did not come recommended by anyone in my family. I can’t even remember how I found him.

I was not yet a Christian.  I went for my appointment. This doctor never used the doppler which I had heard so much about. He used a regular stethoscope.  After listening for a while, he told the nurse “Fetal heart beat is fine.”

At that point I told the doctor that I had not felt movement for a few days. He opened a drawer and pulled out another stethoscope. I imagined that it was more powerful. He listened and moved the stethoscope around. And then he said the words I will never forget.

He told me that there was a chance that the baby was gone. But he said to come back in a week and he would confirm this.  I was devastated. I remember driving home and hardly being able to see because of the tears pouring down my face.  When I got home, I called my mother.  She had one of my sisters take me to her obstetrician. He used the doppler. Then he told my sister that he wanted to meet with us in his office.

He told me that my baby was gone. I can’t even put into words how I felt. I could hardly move or breathe. He said that my body would soon attempt to pass the child and I would go into a type of labor.  He said to go home and wait for this to happen.

That evening, I felt a tightening in my back and I knew that my body was trying to pass Michael.  We called the doctor and he said that he would meet us at the hospital.

The doctor examined me and he told me that he wanted me to pass Michael naturally. He did not want to do a C-Section.  They put me in a room and put in an IV. He told me that they were injecting pitocin which hopefully would make me dilate.

This went on for about 5 days.  At night they put me in a ward away from mothers and their babies. In the morning they would wheel me down to that room and hook me up to give me more pitocin. It was obviously not working.

The realization that my baby was really dead

I remember lying in bed, looking at my huge stomach, realizing that my baby was deceased. I was numb. When I cried I thought that I’d never stop. Between the sobs, I would talk to God. I was not yet a believer but I always knew that God was real. I asked God if this happened to punish me for bad things I had done. It just felt good to talk to Him.  I was never angry at God -I was just looking for answers.

The Visit

That night a friend came to visit me from work. She had become a Christian a few months before. The girls at work laughed behind her back because they knew the things that Elaina had done before she became a believer in Jesus.  Elaina brought me a Bible. I had never had a Bible which included the New Testament. After our visit I put the Bible in my suitcase, thinking that I would never need it.

The breakdown

Suddenly I was filled with sorrow and rage. I pushed the button for a nurse. When she came in, I took a glass of water and hurled it against the wall. I told the nurse that I was at the end of my rope and I asked her to call my doctor and tell him that I wanted a C-Section the next day. I told her that if he said no, I was going to destroy my hospital room.  The nurse took me seriously and left quickly. She returned to tell me that my C-Section was scheduled for 9:00 the next morning.

I never saw Michael

This was back in 1979. Doctors must not have known the importance of a mom to see her deceased baby and to hold him. It was a very important part of the grieving process. They put me under general anesthesia. When I woke up, a beautiful nurse told me about Michael. She described him in such detail – it was like she painted a picture of him which remained in my heart and mind to this day.

The nurse became so involved with me; she even came back to the hospital at night to sit with me and just talk. Everyone was making decisions for me. My parents told the hospital that they could have Michael for research.  I never got to bury my son. But this beautiful nurse helped me keep my sanity. She was one of the kindest people I had ever met.

Going home

We went home and I do believe that the hardest part was looking at the nursery. I had hoped that someone had cleared everything out, but everything remained. The nurse from the hospital called me and asked if she could bring lunch for us the next day.  We had a wonderful time. She talked about how beautiful Michael was and that he was in heaven. After a while she left.

Talking to God

I began receiving so many cards and letters from various people. I kept seeing “heaven” written in many of the cards. People kept saying that Michael was in heaven. I was consumed with the thought of going to heaven some day to see Michael.

Trying to find the nurse

I called the hospital and asked about this nurse. No one seemed to know her. I just could not understand why not one person in that ward knew this woman. After I did become a believer, I saw this verse:

“Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares” (Hebrews 13:2).

What else could this have been?

My search to know how to go to heaven

I was consumed by this day and night.  I wanted to be where Michael was.  Growing up Jewish, for some reason I thought that the holiest people were Catholics. I began to go to a Catholic Church to take Catholic instruction. The priest was so old – he didn’t remember me week to week.  I stopped going there. I felt that this was not the place I need to be.


I had my Daniel in 1980 – perfectly healthy and a precious little guy. Then in 1982, I had Amanda – my sweet little girl.  But my heart was still broken over Michael and I still didn’t know how to go to heaven when I died so that I would see him again.

There was a woman in my husband’s family with whom I had become so close. She had been drinking and also taking psychiatric drugs. She called me one day and told me that she had a gun.  She told me that she had blasphemed the Holy Spirit and that God would never forgive her.  I didn’t even know what “Blaspheme” meant, but I tried to talk to her and to get her to put down the gun.

I called her husband at work and told him what she had said. He told me that I was overreacting and that she would be fine.   Just 3 days later she shot and killed herself.  We were all devestated.

The Christians

We lived in a high rise apartment house. I was standing near the elevator and a couple approached me. I had never seen them before. They said that they heard about the tragedy and they wanted to help us any way they could. They said that they would watch Dan and Amanda for us, and also that Beverly wanted to cook for us.  There was something different about them – something in their eyes. I trusted them. I didn’t know then that they were strong believers in Christ, and they were praying for my salvation.

The funeral

The funeral was over and we came home. I was so stressed out from the day. I began to walk up and down the stairwell. As I walked I talked to God. I asked him why He let all of these horrible things happen.  I could feel myself getting angry.

Beverly and John had baked us dinner for the night of the funeral. They were going to bring the dinner over, but I didn’t want any company in our apartment. I thought to myself that I would stop by their apartment and get the dinner. And so I did.

The night I gave my life to Christ

When I walked in their apartment, Beverly went to get the dinner for me.  John, her husband was standing with me and waiting. I began to weep.  I began asking why God would allow something so horrible to happen. I heard Beverly putting the dinner back in the fridge.  She came out and we all sat down.

John began explaining to me how much Jesus loved me and how He wanted me to know Him. As he talked, it was as if my mind was comprehending everything he said to me.  I told him about Michael and John said to me that if I was born again and made right with God, that I would see Michael again.

Jesus loved me!  He wanted me to realize that I was a sinner just like everyone in the world, and He wanted me to trust Him that He died as payment for all of my sins.  I asked John if it could really be that simple. He told me that salvation was simple, but that if I chose to become a child of God, that the road ahead would be difficult.  I told John that everything he told me was truth. I wanted to know what to do next.  John and Beverly led me in a prayer of repentance and belief in Jesus.

I felt the weight of my sin lift off of me. It was miraculous!  They asked me if I had a Bible and i told them the story of my friend at the hospital. They told me that when I got home, to read the Gospel of John.

My Bible

After many hugs and tears, I walked down the hallway toward our apartment. I felt like I was walking 3 ft off the ground!  Really!   When I came in, I went to my closet and found the Bible which I thought I would never need.  I read the Gospel of John about 5 times, and then I read the New Testament all through the night. It was food to me. I was completely overwhelmed.


I will definitely see my Michael one day. Not maybe  – definitely!  That little baby went to heaven to show me how to get there.

Maybe it will be very soon.  I’m hoping and praying that we will be raptured soon.

Who knows?  Maybe it will be this year……..

Shalom b’Yesua



12 thoughts on “The Story of Michael And How He Died To Show Me the Way To Heaven

  1. Well written and indeed a beautiful testimony as to what God can do through tragic circumstances. I am nearly 80 and I still weep. Thank you Geri, god bless you.

      1. Your testimony of Michael has me in tears.
        What a beautiful, beautiful story of God’s loving grace and redemption, turning a tragedy into salvation.
        Thank you so much for sharing this, It moves me deeply, for my daughter (a pastor’s wife) lost her little girl at 17 weeks and passed the baby in a hospital.
        Their grief was comforted by the quiet assurance that they will see their Elisabeth Joy again!
        Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus!!

  2. Thank you Geri, for sharing you very personal memories of Michael.
    You have a most precious gift of resighting actual events. Your choice of
    words are deeply touching, my mind did not waver one moment while reading
    this piece, a sure sign of how binding it was told. I have a problem of being distracted by lateral thoughts while reading other people’s material. Your testimony of how you were saved helps me recognise how it was that God predestined me to be born again Christian. Looking forward to sharing in the presence of our Heavenly Father.
    Wilhelmus Heggers

  3. Cristina

    I can relate to your story Geri. I lost my first baby in 1976, I was six months pregnant. The hospital told me it was only a foetus. I wasn’t saved at the time and in my ignorance I believed them. It was a lonley pain, no one understood how I was feeling. I buried the pain in the back of my mind. Didn’t know how to deal with it and no one could help me. The day I was born again by the grace of God, it was then that I was able to grieve for little John. How awesome and faithful is our Jesus.
    God gave me two beautiful children, Daniel and Ally. They both know they have a brother in Heaven whose name is John. Like you I am also looking forward to the day I meet my little John. My only prayer now is that his brother and sister will be saved. Thank you for sharing your story. God Bless.

  4. I cried as I read your words, feelings, about Michael and other thoughts. I lost my first baby, too. I had cancer when I became pregnant. I listened to my baby cry, in the womb, and I cried with him. Knowing he was dying, and that I was, too. It was a long time ago. I knew he was going to heaven,…I know he’s there, today! Thank goodness, our Heavenly Father does not give on us, and knows how to love us to Him so much better than we do. The pain of not holding him does not go away. But, I have known all along, that he is so loved and cared for, in Heaven. Our Father and our Savior are so wonderful and forgiving…I am thankful that you were ministered to by angels and caring Believers!
    Thank you for all of your honesty.
    Blessings! In Heaven I will get to hug you and tell you, “thank you”!!

  5. Wonderful testimony Geri, I loved it. I lost one as well, she was six months along, that was really tough. Blessings to you my friend for sharing this, I hope it helps someone in need.

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  7. Dearest Geri, Such a beautiful testimony. Only He can grant us peace and gather all our broken pieces together.. To God be the glory forever and ever. oh, how great a God we serve and call our father.

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