For many weeks, I have been for lack of a better word – a mess.
I have been suffering in silence. I have thought to myself “What is wrong with me?” and “If my readers could see me now, they would never read another word I write.”
I have hidden this quite well from my unbelieving family. I’m not sure if that was wise, but I think that I was more concerned for them to see that as a Christian, I was doing okay.
I’m not doing okay.
Occasionally, I will ask my FB brethren for their input on certain matters. I did open up to them a couple of nights ago, asking if any of them were experiencing these mood swings, anxiety, sadness and even anger.
The responses were overwhelming. These brothers and sisters in Christ opened up their hearts and said that they were battling the same emotions of which I spoke.
Here is what I posted and following that are many of the responses from my FB brethren:
“I feel like I’m going to let my readers down. I’m just bearing my soul here. I’m not doing well. People think I’m so strong because I write these articles. But I’m sad and sometimes very angry and I can’t seem to get a handle on this. I’m crying most of the time.
This has overwhelmed me so much so I looked this up online – whether this pandemic is affecting people like it is me. And I found so many websites devoted to this very thing. They are saying that it’s a loss of “normalcy” a grieving of sorts.
I’m missing my kids and grandkids. It’s like there is a hole in my heart.
But then I thought “I’m a Christian. I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” But I’m still in this flesh – this wretched flesh.
I wondered if there are many other brethren experiencing this grieving. And then I wondered if this is what God wants me to write about. If there are many Christians going through this, it might comfort them to know that they are not alone.”
I would appreciate your input.”
“Very much so. I live alone, it’s impossible to even call friends or family–I don’t want to bring them down. My heart feels like it’s breaking all the time, and I see no reason to still be in this evil world. This must be one of those times when there’s only 1 set of footprints–HIS.”
“Oh goodness yes! After I put my son down for his nap earlier I went into my bedroom, shut the door, and just poured out my heart to God. I just started begging Him to just take me home!!!”
“I am definitely going through same thing and the words you said “this wretched flesh” I am ready to be made new,I keep looking up and remember that joy that we will soon have when we see Our Great God And King, soon Geri , we will be delivered soon.”
“P. S. I HATE the way I have been acting, it’s a war.”
“Yes, but…, “Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;”
Titus 2:13 KJV”
“Geri you are writing. I am brokenhearted and cannot get past the vitriol or do much productive other than care for my elderly dying mother. Keep writing. We need a watchman! Sound those alarms.”
“YES…This is Most Certainly “The Time” for All of God’s children to Fully Express Our Fears…Uncertainty’s with One Another as Led By The Holy Spirit…WE ARE THE CHURCH and We All Desperately Need Not Stay Silent; But to Seek Fellowship Together In One Accord…If The Lord impresses upon us to share our fears…uncertainties….We Can then (all of us) come into agreement to Earnestly Seek The Lord in Fervent Prayer for One Another!….After all…We Are His Church living in a fallen world…YES…We All need support and prayer during these uncertain times….But let us Never Forget…Since We Have JESUS THE CHRIST in Our Hearts….We are MORE THAN CONQUERORS IN CHRIST THE LORD!”
“I too share your pain and grief my sister… My family is lost in much deception from WOF, Seeker Sensitive/Emergent, New Age, Luciferian, Humanistic Psychology. They too make fun of the true Gospel. But hope I have is my mother is waking up a bit fromWOF…all else is very dark….”
“Praying for you and many of us trying to wake up the sleeping churches. But we are doing what God has called us to do.”
“Those that love this world system and being deceived by entertainment traps of this world just see this happening as a virus…and things will be better soon…they will have to find out the hard way I pray…and some may not think this is overwhelming I know.”
“Yes there are others with the same feelings. We’ve all felt loss and grieve, but I just try to remember that God will not give us more than we can handle. God bless and keep the faith.”
I’m sorry you feel this way, but I think as sisters in Christ, it is normal for us to feel this, especially now. It’s a tough time.. You can feel this. It’s ok to not be ok.”
“God has been directing my husband and I to spend less time reading news stories and more time listening to and singing praise music. And listening to more good teaching that is focused on God and his word, and that gives us hope in these very trying times.”
Heb12:1 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
Heb 12:2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Heb 12:3 For consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.”
For behold the darkness shall cover the earth and gross darkness the people: but the Lord shall arise upon the and His glory shall be seen upon thee.”
“And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?” (Matthew 7: 46).
Jesus cried out those words to His Father because at that moment in time, Jesus had taken the sins of the world upon Himself – His Father in heaven could not look upon Him. God cannot abide sin!
Can you imagine the anguish felt by both Jesus and His Father?
But then the Bible says that Jesus “Gave up the ghost.” And we celebrate His miraculous resurrection from the dead which enabled us, who belong to Him, to have eternal life!
Another Scripture which came to mind was this:
“For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18).
I hope that this helped even one of the brethren who might be struggling right now. He will wipe away every tear!
And when we have our glorified bodies, we will never have to struggle like this again!